wondering what would've been best....

i sit wondering w
what if
how would i feel
would it brighten my life
or would it have been my downfall
would i have you always
or would you hate me afterwards
would we enjoy the blessing together
or would we each be on our own side
would we be able to give what we wanted to give
or would we have to settle for less
would are dreams have come true
or would we have had to let them go
would i blossom into something, someone good and beautiful for both
or would i be the worst person for the job
would you have been capable of the job
or would you have been our worst nightmare

so many things to think about
so many feelings
so many un-shed tears
so many unsaid thoughts
i wish you were speaking to me
wish you would tell me what you thought about what i said
part of me dies a little with the thought, that possibility as time goes on
part of me becomes stronger, heartless, less sensitive
part of me wishes i could know what would have been the better road,
even if i couldnt have changed the outcome